#7 The story of Two Monkeys

Resilient people accept reality, even when it's tough. This acceptance is arguably the hardest part of being resilient. It's particularly challenging when it feels like life isn't fair.

I think that Frans de Waal fairness experiment with two Capuchin Monkeys is a great illustration of this point. It appears that a sense of fairness is so fundamental that it's observed across many social species. In this study, one monkey refused a lesser reward than its peer. This raises a critical question in resilience: Is it more important to feel treated fairly, or to move forward? Often, we get caught up in the emotion of fairness, overlooking the opportunity to accept reality and optimize our chances.

Interestingly, in de Waal's experiment, the favored monkey accepted the unfair situation without question, just like most of privileged humans do in their own lives. In Poland, there's a saying: "if you can count, count on yourself". While seemingly stark, it profoundly suggests the importance of self-reliance over expecting fairness. In resilience, this means acknowledging unfairness but focusing on what we can control and change. Ultimately, resilience isn't just about facing reality; it's about actively adapting and finding ways to thrive, regardless of the fairness of our circumstances.