#20 Achieve, experience, or learn from obstacles?

I have been reading over the weekend a very insightful book: Resilience: Why Things Bounce Back. Andrew Zolli and Ann Marie Healy provide a comprehensive review of the features of resilience at different levels, from individual to the entire planet.

They find, among the key traits of resilient individuals, the believe that one can find a meaningful purpose. It echoes the work of Victor Frankl. According to Frankl, there are three distinct paths through which individuals can discover their purpose:

Creative work or action. This way relates to achievement and success. Obvious area of success is the job you do; however, you can also fulfill yourself within your side activities, hobbies, passions. Frankl himself, apart from being a famous psychiatrist, was a mountain guide, at the age of 67 he obtained his pilot’s license, which was his lifelong dream. I did achieve mine at the age of 52, which I thought was very late, but apparently there is never too late to find a purpose in action.

Too often we focus on achievement to impress others, but when we want to achieve something because of the inner calling it is much stronger drive. My biggest drive was always to learn something new; pilot license was my dream since I was a kid, but it was just a part of something bigger, a big desire to learn, improve, find new things to master. When you do achieve what you desire, there is nothing wrong to be happy about impressing others as well😉

Experiencing something or contact with another man. It can be experiencing goodness, truth, beauty through direct contact with nature or culture or love through the contact with another human. Experiencing strong emotions can be as purposeful as achievements.

A strong connection to a social group, with which you share common values is a great example of a contact with other men, which can become a purpose. Cultural identity connects man emotionally with other members of the same group. It is a very powerful driver, people can put everything they have for the group, which gives them the feelings of connection. The role of culture goes beyond alignment of the group around certain ways of doing things, more importantly it creates a sense of connection, sense of being part of something bigger than yourself. Strong culture is likely to be a good predictor of employee satisfaction and can be very impactful motivation tool.

Through the way we cope with suffering. We can find a purpose even in the hopeless situation, the fate we cannot change. The only thing we can do than is transform personal tragedy in the triumph of human soul, failure into victory. Many religions are centered around this path, promising live in heaven if you live a rightful life despite suffering and obstacles. It may, however, also be a simple belief that every experience, whether it is positive or negative can lead to learning and growth. It echoes the Stoics philosophy. Marcus Aurelius saw every obstacle he faced as an opportunity to practice some virtues. I think we all like the feeling after we managed to go over something tough. I don’t like running too much but I love the feeling after I am back and can tell myself: I did it😊These feelings of overcoming obstacles are what makes it worth to fight. Going through the budget process is not fun, but the feeling of having a quality resource plan in place is worth it (it is my finance-self getting excited about the things normal people are not getting excited about…). A manager you don’t like, tasks you don’t enjoy, everything is part of the learning process.

Now imagine you found a way to combine all of them and found a purpose in the work you do or your hobbies, in experiencing strong positive emotions towards your family, friends, team at work and you look forward to learning from obstacles. This is a feature of the most resilient systems: a diverse range of response mechanisms to difficulties. If you struggle to achieve what you aspire to, you can turn to your emotional support triggers, if it does not work you suffer with grace hoping to learn from it and bounce back.

Practical hints

• When you search for purpose do not limit yourself to one area. Think broader and imagine yourself as a fulfilled individual, whose purpose encompasses different aspects of life.

• Job is important but so is your social and emotional life. Work-life balance is critical for your resilience. If you focus on one purpose, it can greatly reduce your ability to cope with challenges, does not matter how good it is.

• Learn from obstacles, it is not only important for the growth mindset, but it is a core part of your resilience capabilities. Start with everyday tasks you don’t like, don’t wait for a big disaster to happen. The mindset shift takes time.

Resources

Frankl V. (2010). Man's Search for Meaning.

Holiday R. (2014). The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph.

Zolli A., Marie Healy A. (2012). Resilience: Why Things Bounce Back.