#82 - The Dance of Change: Why Flexibility Beats Perfection

The Allure of Easy Solutions

We’re naturally drawn to simple answers for complex problems. In a world overflowing with complexity, the impulse to simplify makes sense. But sometimes, that instinct leads us astray.

A while ago, I became fascinated by Tim Ferriss’s Four-Hour Body approach, which promised high impact with minimal effort. The kettlebell swing stood out as a “magic” exercise. I practiced it for a while, only to end up with a strained back. Still, I kept searching for the next shortcut.

Last year, after injuring my arm, I finally gave in and let my son — a physiotherapist — design my training. His approach was completely alien to me: varied exercises every day, no shortcuts, no repetition of the same easy routine. It felt complex, inefficient… but it worked. My body began responding in a way it never had before. What I needed wasn’t a magic move — just guidance, structure, and the willingness to let go of the myth of the “perfect” exercise.

The Same Pattern Everywhere

This tendency to chase simplicity shows up everywhere — in life, work, and personal growth. We often seek quick answers in a world that’s constantly changing. But real change demands flexibility, adaptability, and improvisation — just as the science of resilience reminds us.

I recently read a powerful article in Psychology Today by Steven C. Hayes, where he compares the process of personal change to dancing [1]. According to Hayes, change isn’t about executing a flawless routine — it’s about responding in the moment. In this spirit, he outlines five bad ideas about how to change. His list resonated deeply with my recent experiences, and I’d like to reframe them into better, more resilient alternatives.

Diversity of Responses is a Strength

In dance, there’s no single “right” move — the best dancers adapt to the rhythm and the floor. The same goes for life.

The kettlebell swing is a great exercise — powerful and effective — but on its own, it led me to injury. Variety in movement builds strength and agility. The same principle applies in business, where we often chase our own version of the “kettlebell swing”: silver-bullet leadership frameworks.

Media are full of one-size-fits-all advice on what makes a great leader. But every team, every context, is different. What works brilliantly in one setting might fail in another.

Strong leaders don’t rely on a single move — they build a flexible toolkit. Rationality might be best one day; emotional sensitivity the next. The world is full of tough, analytical, emotional, and intuitive leaders. All can succeed — or fail — depending on the situation.

Follow Your Own Dance

When we see others succeed, it’s tempting to copy their moves. But your path, your context, and your values are unique.

It’s far more helpful to be inspired by others than to imitate them. Collect new approaches, test them, and add what works to your personal repertoire. But don’t assume someone else’s “dance” will work on your floor. If you haven’t seen a method succeed across different situations — or tried it yourself — you can’t know whether it truly fits your life.

Hayes also critiques overly standardized, quantitative approaches to understanding human behavior — such as rigid personality tests. Questionnaires are static by nature. They strip away the context that’s essential for understanding who we really are, and how we change

Purpose Over Perfection

According to Hayes, the most important part of personal growth is staying clear about what matters to you.

Your purpose is your anchor. Around that, everything else can shift — your tools, your methods, your partners. What matters is not perfection, but responsiveness to the moment, and staying aligned with your values.

Final Thought: Learn to Dance Your Way

Beware of people who try to teach you life’s dance with rigid, universal frameworks. Listen to them, sure — but don’t stop there. Build your own toolkit. Learn to improvise. Test your moves. Keep what works, and leave the rest behind.

In the dance of life, your resilience is not about always getting it right — it’s about staying connected to your purpose and adjusting your steps as the music changes.

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1. 5 Bad Ideas About Learning How to Change